Movie Review Monday

Good Monday Moring!

Happy Labor day to all. Hope you are not working today and if you had no choice and your boss made you go in, then please feel free to leave your boss's name in the comments section and I'll see what I can do to have them wacked...er, I mean to have the wacko spoken to.

I made it to the theater this weekend (yay! that means dinner and candy also :-)) to see Robert Rodriguez's Machete. However, I'm sad to say (unless I'm saving you the potential loss of money) that  this movie was a total waste of time and money (minus the delicious dinner and candy). I was very disappointed by this film as it doesn't  even come close to standing up to his other works (IMO).

Machete: Three years ago in Mexico, determined Federale Machete (Danny Trejo) is betrayed and set-up by his boss, resulting in his wife and child being murdered by drug kingpin Torrez (Steven Seagal). Now, in Texas, Machete resurfaces when hired to assassinate Senator McLaughlin (Robert De Niro), an extreme advocate against illegal immigration. Once again betrayed and set-up, Machete plots his revenge against the men who've wronged him with the help of resistance fighter Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), ICE Agent Sartana (Jessica Alba), and the shotgun-toting Padre (Cheech Marin). Written by The Massie Twins


This is a fairly good summary of the story. When it first started out (the first 10 minutes), I thought, okay, this will be a kick ass movie, but as it went on and more characters were introduced it started to all lose shape for me. Michelle Rodgriguez was decent in this movie as was Cheech Marin (though he was pretty much the way he is in every other movie). De Niro was good though I was confused by his back and forth Mafia to southern accent (unless it was supposed to be that way and I missed something behind his character). Danny Trejo was decent and had some comical lines and actions in this film, but it wasn't anything that made me say Wow! In fact, none of the characters made me say Wow! Then again, I guess this is not the type of film that you go to see for Oscar worthy performances, but I have seen Rodriguez films where there were characters and acting that Wowed me (Antonio Banderas in Desperado and George Clooney in From Dusk Til Dawn). 


There were some characters/actors who I felt were poorly casted--Lindsay Lohan, ugh, just awful. Was not impressed with her at all. Then again, I guess it doesn't take much "acting" in her case to parade around on the big screen as a naked, drug addicted slut. I don't know, maybe it was just too close to what's been going on in her real life that made me feel terribly uncomfortable for her in this particular role. Jessica Alba was okay, though I would have found her role as an immigration customs agent to be a little more believable if she wasn't wearing four inch stilettos through the entire movie (but, I guess that's just more of Rodgriguez's style for his female characters). Lastly, Steven Segal...bleh. (stick to being a cop and doing reality stuff on A&E). I don't know why he bothered me so much in this film. Maybe it was his CONSTANT use of the word Puñeta, Cabron and Pendejo which gave his character so little depth. I cringed every time he came on the screen. The other actors, I don't even feel warrant mention because they're roles/acting are not worth mentioning one way or the other. Not horrible, not great.


If you want blood, you'll get blood. If you want some funny lines, you'll get a few. But for me, this movie was not up to par with Rodriguez's other stuff. It just goes to prove that just because you have an all star cast, doesn't mean it will be an all star movie.


My rating system: 

1=hated it, just wasted an hour and half of my life and I want it back damn it!

2=meh, not the worst I've ever seen, but I don't ever need to see it again 

3=entertaining, maybe I'll watch it again when it comes to Netflix

4=pretty awesome, I'll probably buy the DVD when it goes on sale

5=OMG, this film was kick ass awesome, it is pre-order from Amazon worthy, add to my list of favorites

It's so hard to not compare this movie to other Rodriguez films because I have always loved his stuff, so I'm going to give this movie two separate ratings.

In comparison to his other stuff (From Dusk Til Dawn, Desperado, Planet Terror, Grindhouse, etc.) I give Machete a 1. 

As a movie overall, I give it a 2. But my advice would be to wait until you have an opportunity to see it for free. Not worth the money (at least not here in NY where the tickets cost us $11 a piece).